arbitrations

i keep losing myself and
at times i think i find him
i see me in the eyes of a lover
but now im starting to see:
it's only a reflection of me...

within me is a part i cannot see.

he often gets lost in words, thoughts, and calculations

fascinations...

im alone.

shit.

who will tuck me in at night?

who will be there when my jaws are tight with anger 

or my eyes are filled with tears?

is it alright for me to forsake the world to find me?
is it my destiny to never find me?

where do i flourish?
where do i plant my seed,
how do ii find the kind of me i need to be?

am i supposed to just wait to see?
i cant find the forest and iim surrounded by trees
how do i find contentment twiddling my thumbs while the world is happening, growing without me!

wondering among vines thorns thistles and darkness i see a body in the distance
i run to sanctuary and
i
am
lost
at
sea

confusion surrounds me... communication baffles me.. commitment evades me.

i am lost at sea

confidence tosses me to the floor of the ocean
the constraint of time binds my hands
cowardice travels down my esophagus and infiltrates my belly
as calamity knocks me unconscious

i am dying alone.

who will find my body adrift the seven seas?
who will attend my funeral, if i have no eyes to see me?

death seduces me with the silent slicing step of his sinews... awakening me to die

he encircles my body leaving lust where he treads

i am dying: quivering with anticipation

longing, wanting, waiting for him to pounce upon me and claim me

i welcome my lonesome mourner and the virus he brings: a plague to deliver me from the virus of life.

"Engulf me in you

Take all me into you"

he places his cold lips on mine and uncovers a fiercer pain

his body on mine becomes rigid and hard

this is happening too fast, he is too strong

ii open my eyes to ease the pain and see his

his eyes...

Those eyes... hollowed blackness

and for a moment in his eyes i see a glimmer of light, for a moment i forget that i am dying,

for a moment nothing exists but me and the light and as we intercourse i find that it is me.

and while i can't see land, i remember it,

and while i can't see love, i feel it growing inside of me, consecrating me for a better purpose and i dream and while it only hurts when i breathe i find myself not dying.

haiku #2

at night, touch me soft.
cum inside my dark shadows
be my moonlit night.

Cheeks Without Tears

to the heart that was stopped

you will never taste the caressing kiss of a summer rain,
you will never plant your feet on foreign but fertile ground,
you will never see fires blaze in the midst of hazey skies
and you will never see trees sway gently in the breezes

but there are others

others who will only remember the ache of being alone, family gone, sins they can't atone

others who felt Katrina, or the Tsunami, only remembering the vision of the baby's drowning mommy
others who will know the weight of earth laid against their chest as they cry, whimper at best
others who fear the heat of bullets aimed at terrorist burning holes in their homes,
and children
and families
others who live with fluid in their lungs, gasping for breath, and wishing for death

you may never relish the taste of victory  but you will never resent the pain
of mistrust or the agony
of denial

memories of loves, long gone, will not hunt you
you will have no regrets, and no fears
a gift to you: cheeks without tears

#WhatYouShouldKnowAboutMe

#WhatYouShouldKnowAboutMe: dikk pix wit kontty pubes are disgusting and cos me to conclude that the pictured is as disgusting as the ground meat bits his pubix resemble.

head to chest

every now and again, ii sit and wonder what it might feel like to just lay up with yu. feelin the heat
between our bodies and sharing the space between our ears, connecting with a power undulating from the solar plexus of our souls to the cross of our hips...

intoxicated by the perfume of our romance, yur presence, yur touch, yur smile satiates my desires, and placates my fears casting us all into an oblivion of bliss,

in the still of the night: ii adore yur beauty, marvel at yur flaws and caress yur insecurities.
ii welcome yu into the abyss of my mind, where we feast on the triviloites of life, indulging in moments stolen from heartbreak, doting on a love that is all ours
as we lay together, head to chest.

DREAM: shot in the back

so... last Friday ii had a dream. ii wz with B and we were taking a trip. ii believe we were in Richmond. the memory is slightly foggy. there wz a group of guys standing around somebody had on purple pants....  me and B decided to get on a bus or something, take a tour of the city. it wz a nice quiet time... as we deboarded (is that a word? the red squiggly line says no, but today it is) the same group of guys were standing around. B didnt notice, but ii felt their energy.--bad. ii told B, let's go. as we begin to walk away a fat dude (mini-Rick Ross type nigga in a beater) approached and told us not to go anywhere. The other guys came up behind us. RR seemed to have gun pointed at me under his scraggly-ass shirt. B stopped and ii gave RR the side-eye as ii kept walkin. I heard a gun shot and felt my back go warm. in slow motion ii fell to the ground (how dramatic) and blessed GOD for my life. if dying is anything like that dream, iim good with it.

ii think my pride may have killed me... message?

fairie tails: A Letter for Licar

One upon a time, there was a far away land that had never hear of the World Wide Web. In this far away land, it was customary for people to write letters, with pens, paper, and such. Among the writers of this country was Prince Egypt to his beloved.

As he was strolling about his garden, atop the east wing of his palace, Prince Egypt spied a youth a few miles away. He implored a Royal Messenger to discover the identity of the young man. The messenger revealed the young man’s name to be Licar of the Huntsbow tradition. (Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to the Prince, this young man had a speech impediment. Now, had the prince asked the messenger what he had lunch—hamburger—the messenger would have responded “Bamberger” and all would have been well, but alas, the Prince was hasty and infatuated.) Hearing “Buntsbow” the Prince quickly sent the messenger away and pondered what to do. Prince Egypt decided to follow in the romantic tradition of his time and send Licar a letter infused with the sacred scent of himself. The letter, when loosely translated, read as the following:

DEAR YOUNG SIR: YOU HAVE CAUGHT MY EYE AND TURNED MY HEART. I HOPE THAT YOU WILL RETURN MY LOVE. I HAVE SCENTED THIS LETTER FOR YOU. IF MY SCENT APPEALS TO THY GOOD SENSE, PLEASE WEAR MY RING. I HAVE LEFT IT IN THE BARK OF THE CARRIE TREE ON THE NEAREST BANK OF THE RIVER, BUT A FEW PACES FROM THINE HOUSE.

Signed: “Man of Men.” Prince Egypt summoned another messenger and had him deliver the letter to “the young son of Buntsbow” concealed in a green envelope addressed to Licar of the Bunstbow tradition.

The Buntsbow people received the letter and instead of returning it, for there was no Licar in their tradition, they decided to open it, rather than send it back with the messenger, for the envelope looked to be that of a wealthy statesmen. The master of the house journeyed to the river and in the bark of the Carrie Tree he unturned Prince Egypt's ruby ring.

As days went on the prince inquired about his ring, for he never saw his letter arrive at Licar's dwelling. When the prince discovered the treachery, the thievery, of the Buntsbow tradition he was outraged! It was in his rage that Prince Egypt planned a plan. He mailed another green envelope, addressed to his beloved Licar, to the dwelling Buntsbow tradition. This time the letters included one of his teeth, enchanted with a spell fresh from his lips curdled with passion for young Licar and rage at the deceit of a weak tradition.

The master of the Buntsbow family opened the letter hungry for a chance to amass a greater fortune. Upon touching the tooth concealed, he was weary with delusion and fell to the floor.

He awakened to find himself choking on his tooth.

The spell that Prince Egypt cast caused the holder of the Buntsbow tradition to lose each of his teeth causing him to slowly bleed to death. As the last tooth pushed itself free from the bonds of the holder's gums, the Holder's eyes began to set and the glimmer of Prince Egypt's ruby ring was the last vision upon his eyes, a last reminder of why he now answered the call of death.